I am lucky!

So, recently I have felt what some would describe as guilt pangs. I am so excited to have this baby! Really excited! I would say the most excited I have been to have a baby - ever ... and this is number 3. Can you blame me? Look how cute baby will be!!!

However, this where the guilt steps in. Am I really so excited because baby is rumored to be all GIRL?!?! Surely not. I mean, she can't go get her nails done at 2 months. That kind of stuff has to wait - years. And by that time, she'll be in full female hormone rage (which terrifies me) and won't want to hang out with her mom then ... I feel like I am being ungrateful for the wonderful, loving boys I already have, who are so much fun and have taught me many things, like stuffed animals really do make good missles and an occasional round of rough-housing is actually quite fun!

Guilt ridden and up at the ubsurd hour of 6 am, I started thinking about why I am so excited. I mean, jusband will be out of the country for the birth and first 4 months of her life. NOT exciting. Then it hit me ... I do not have to go to work. I don't have to worry about getting the perfect schedule so I can throw her into daycare and run back to work while worrying about her well being and sad I missed all the baby stuff. Nope. I get to enjoy it all! When she doesn't sleep, the next day will suck, but I don't have to put on a smiley face for 30+ strangers ... just my boys.

I don't think it will be easy by any means. Mainly because my partner in crime will be on a mission fighting the bad guys. But I am lucky that I have this opportunity to finally do it this way!